How to resolve a marital life conflict effectively?

When  you’re in the heat of a fight do you have a tendency to either explode and say  things that you don’t mean or withdraw in anger and become silent? If you’re nodding  your head this is a very common common experience where people will choose these  sort of communication blocking techniques not on purpose it’s just more of a reaction. So  in today’s Blog we’re actually going to be breaking down the top four communication blockers what you  can do instead of withdrawing in anger or whatever you’re doing and I’m going to give you  some scripts and sentence starters so that the next time you’re in conflict you can actually  solve the conflict instead of having it sort of  devolve into a complete and total brawl.

So here is main four characteristics which you need to check :

1. Inability to express your needs
2. Listening to respond
3. Using the silent treatment
4. Defensiveness and blame (most common)

1. Inability to express your needs

It depends. If you are not aware of your thoughts and feelings and therefore cannot express them then you may have reactive attachment disorder or something like it. RAD usually occurs in people who have been either severely abused or routinely neglected.

I would seek out therapy from somebody understands this syndrome.

If you are aware of your feelings and thoughts but cannot express them then find a group counseling setting and practice there, or find a friend who will practice with you, or read a book about how to communicate and practice in front of a mirror. Sometimes the ability to express thoughts and feelings is just a matter of training.

If you are aware of your feelings and thoughts but are not willing to express them, then you are only hurting yourself.

Follow the pattern above and in the meantime identify what it is that makes you unwilling. Unexpressed thoughts and feelings can perpetuate, morph and become distorted out of proportion.

2. Listening to Respond

Slow down, take time, be an active listener. One thing you can do is if you question whether you heard something correctly, respond with “So what I heard you say was …..” and repeat back what your spouse said.

This gives them the opportunity to affirm or correct you. They may also learn how you are hearing them, which improves communication skills. My husband knows that I am “relational” so he relates what happens to him in those terms. It is so much easier for me to listen, hear and understand. He also knows that I am visual, so he will describe a person in concrete terms so that I can have a visual. This helps so much with listening and communicating.

3. Using the silent treatment

The silent treatment, often considered a form of emotional manipulation or passive-aggressive behavior, involves one person deliberately ignoring or refusing to communicate with another. Here are some effects and implications of the silent treatment:

1. Emotional Impact:
   – For the Receiver: It can lead to feelings of confusion, anxiety, and rejection. The ignored individual may feel unworthy or insignificant.
   – For the Giver: It might temporarily provide a sense of control or power but can also lead to feelings of guilt or shame later.
2. Communication Breakdown: The silent treatment stifles open dialogue, making it difficult to resolve conflicts or misunderstandings. This can exacerbate issues rather than solve them.
3. Relationship Strain: Prolonged use of the silent treatment can erode trust and intimacy in relationships, leading to resentment and further communication issues.
4. Cycle of Behavior: It can create a cycle where one person feels justified in giving the silent treatment due to perceived wrongs, while the other may retaliate in similar ways, perpetuating the conflict.
5. Psychological Effects: Some studies suggest that the silent treatment can be as painful as physical punishment, triggering feelings of social exclusion and affecting mental well-being.

While the silent treatment might seem like a way to avoid conflict, it often leads to deeper issues in relationships and can have significant emotional consequences for both parties involved. Open communication is generally a healthier approach to resolving disagreements.

4. Defensiveness & Blame

When couples are constantly blaming each other for every little thing, it often indicates underlying issues in their communication and relationship dynamics rather than a clear “blame” to assign to one person. Here are some factors to consider:

1. Communication Patterns: Frequent blaming can stem from poor communication skills. Couples may not feel comfortable expressing their feelings or concerns directly, leading to defensiveness and blame.
2. Conflict Resolution Styles: Different approaches to conflict can create tension. Some individuals may be more confrontational, while others may avoid conflict, leading to misunderstandings.
3. Unresolved Issues: Ongoing resentment or unresolved conflicts can manifest as blame. If past grievances aren’t addressed, they can resurface in current disagreements.
4. Emotional Triggers: Personal insecurities or past experiences may influence how each partner reacts in conflicts, causing them to project feelings of inadequacy or fear onto one another.
5. External Stressors: Stress from outside the relationship, such as work or family issues, can exacerbate tensions between partners, leading to increased blaming behavior.

In summary, rather than focusing on who is to blame, it may be more productive for couples to examine their communication styles, address unresolved issues, and work together to create a more supportive and understanding environment. Seeking the help of a therapist can also be beneficial in navigating these challenges.